Getting Knocked Down and Keep on Going | Madison Smith

Madison Smith | Episode 1246

Ceramics has granted Madison Smith the unwavering power to transform a simple pile of dirt into an external force of her subconscious. Madison creates sculptures to connect to her disorderly childhood and construct wares to spread joy. Madison’s overall themes include the magic of childlike wonder and the undeniable reality of the life she has been forced to reckon with.

Clay Call

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In dealing with trauma, how important is accepting the idea that healing isn’t necessarily linear, it’s sometimes all squiggled up like a bowl of spaghetti?

Yeah, I think, I live by that. I I have lived by that my whole life. And if you live that way, then you will have so much more patience and respect for yourself because you just, you have to be patient. And I feel as if, yeah, recovery isn’t a goal, it’s not something you’re gonna reach, it’s an everyday, it’s work, it’s work every single day.

Do you feel that it’s important to tell your story when you’re ready?

Yes, I definitely, I don’t like to talk about myself at all. It’s very uncomfortable for me. So I will opt out of it and choose not to. unless I can tell that the person in front of me, I look in their eyes and I can genuinely tell that they want to know what’s up. You know, that they’re not, they’re not looking at me like, oh, I want some sensational, like artist way. Like, what’s your inspiration? Like, that’s not what I want. Like, if you want to have a real conversation with me, I got to look in your eyes and trust you.

You mentioned the reason you left Humboldt and the reason you landed in Portland and the things that you loved here is relationships and community. How important is staying connected?

I didn’t realize how important staying connected was until I was. I think that it really has. I have a problem. I have very, I have deep, deep social anxiety. So whenever I do connect with a person, it feels like a win. Whenever I do go out of my comfort zone of being, of my social anxiety issues, it feels like I’m making progress, not only personally, but artistically as well.

How important is it just to be compassionate and patient with yourself?

It’s essential. I am a year and a half sober, a year and four months sober off of alcohol, and that has been a real test of being patient with myself. And that has truly impacted every single aspect of my life. and has taught me that the only way for me to move forward in a healthy, more in a healthier way of life is to just be patient at the process, whatever that looks like for you.

How much are you now living a life of appreciation for life itself?

Yeah, I think that sobriety has a lot to do with that. But also, it’s so wonderful having the opportunity to live the life how I want. Because I feel as if I know. that I didn’t get to do that for my entire childhood. So now it’s like, it’s almost, it’s such a powerful thing to be able to do whatever you want. I mean, I’m not, obviously I’m not doing whatever I want, but like having the power to construct your own life is priceless. It’s no matter how financially well off, like, that’s not what it’s about. It’s just being able to own your own life is just something that now that I have, I’ll never give up.

What got you really excited? Like, what are you champing at the bit to get back in the studio and make?

Honestly, my will to create comes in massive, massive waves. My will to create sculptures comes in huge waves, and I can’t force myself to do it. So sometimes it’ll be six months. Sometimes it’ll be two months, but one day, I don’t know when I’ll wake up and I’ll be like, this needs to happen right now. I need to make this right now. And I can’t. It just happens when it happens. So right now I’m preparing for some little, some little things that I’m doing in town, but I don’t really have anything. I don’t, the wave hasn’t come yet. I feel as if it is on the way, but it’s still about a couple miles out in the deep.